Now, you'll never usually see me writing about feminism. Trust me, I am not about to stop shaving and start burning my bras. I'm not afraid to say that I like men to be men and women to be women. If a light bulb blows, I will find a man. If there's a spider in the room, I go to a man. If I'm about to get beat up and a guy decides to step in and protect me, you won't find me screaming that I have the right to be beat up just because I have a vagina. By all means protect me!
I am physically weaker than most men. I have different hormones to men. My body is different to a man's. I have no reason to start getting up in people's grills (sorry but I had to pay a bit of homage to my favourite MIC playa there) about wanting men and women to be treated in exactly the same way. We are DIFFERENT. We both have strengths and weaknesses and it's ridiculous to say anything otherwise.
However there are some cases when it's less about being a feminist and more about being a normal human being, and I think that disagreeing with articles like the one I'm about to disagree with is just common sense. You can find it here: http://jaxchristian.com/christian-living/marriage-a-family/807-emotional-adultery-how-husbands-and-wives-disrespect-each-other- and it's probably best you read it before you continue with this because otherwise what I'm saying won't make any sense.
Now, before I say anything about the article, you'll notice that it is taken from a Christian website. I just want to say that although I class myself as a Christian, this is not what my faith is about and it sickens me to see something I believe in portrayed in such a disgusting way. But that's the church for you. Sadly, the majority of Christians believe whatever the church tells them, because if something is in the name of Jesus then it must be right, right? Wrong.
When I first started reading this article, I had high hopes. In a society saturated with sex, it makes a nice change to see somebody saying that if you are being mentally unfaithful to your partner then it isn't a good thing. I always feel like I sound like a prude when I say this but it's something I really agree with. It's one thing to notice somebody attractive but it's another thing to want to fuck somebody other than your partner and excuse me if I don't go around wishing I could whip my knickers off every time I see a good looking guy. Loyalty is something that isn't given enough credit in today's society.
It was only when I read further and saw that the article actually sees women as the cause of blame in this that I started to get angry. In case you ignored my advice and didn't read the article, the gist was this: if a man is married and a woman walks past him wearing a short skirt, it is the woman in the skirt that is to blame if he gets the wrong idea and starts "ogling, flirting, or touching" her. Apparently, the poor little mite is not to blame if he starts doing these things. It is the women's fault for tempting him.
The article asks "Should a married woman dress to please her husband or please her ago?" Honestly? She should dress to please herself. She should wear clothes that make her feel good, clothes that she likes. Any man that feels like a woman should dress for him needs to re-evaluate his attitude. A woman is not the property of a man*. If anything, a man should be proud to have a beautiful wife, not desperate to hide her away from the world. I may be just speaking for myself here but if a girl fancies a guy I'm with then I'm more likely to take it as a compliment than tell him to start putting a bag over his head so that people can't see how attractive he is.
The article then says that as a woman, if our partner tells us that our clothes are too revealing than we should think ourselves lucky for being with somebody that cares about us so much. I have an ex that held this view. He was of the opinion that I should no longer go out in public wearing skirts, dresses, or make up because I was with him now and if I defied him by getting a bit dressed up to go out then it meant that I was craving attention off men and was therefore a slut who didn't deserve him. It is attitudes like this that can quickly lead to mental (and often physical) abuse in relationships and I'm pretty sure that this wasn't what Jesus meant when he advocated fidelity.
This is surely something written by a man, I hear you saying. Well no actually, it was written by a woman, who, on the topic of 'unwanted male attention' (which can be anything from a glance to rape, by the way), that 'we do it to ourselves'. Now it is this, this more than anything that makes me want to hunt her down and prevent her from ever being able to communicate with anyone ever again. I suppose that we ladies are 'asking for it' when we get dragged down a back alley and raped, are we, you perfect little Christian, you?
Believe it or not, as a woman, I can say, without hesitation that if I happen to wear a skirt in public, I do not do it to make random men want to have sex with me, grope me and shout lewd comments at me. I do it because I happen to like that particular skirt. It's as simple as that. Sure, I want to make the best of myself and look as nice as I can but that isn't just for men! Society dictates that, as women, we must look a certain way. Tell me, why is it that if I start wearing plain clothes and stop wearing make up, society will tell me that I am ugly and that I need to change myself, whereas if I do what the magazines say, if I buy the clothes that they tell me to and stick to the diet they want me to, I'm a slut who is asking to be raped? I can't win!
Unfortunately, this is an attitude that isn't just confined to fundamental Christians and gossip rags. A friend of mine was sexually assaulted last year and do you know what her therapist asked her? 'What were you wearing?' Really? Really?! As it happens, my friend had been wearing a tracksuit on the night in question so the therapist was left with nothing much to say but I'd have been interested to hear the response had my friend answered with 'Oh, a bodycon dress and high heels.' Would the therapy session have turned into more of a Life Guide on how to be less of an attention seeking slut? Hearing this made my blood boil but the saddest part is that victims of rape or sexual assault hear this daily. I'm sure I don't need to provide you with evidence for you to believe that rape victims are often discredited in court because they were drunk or 'dressed inappropriately'. This stuff happens. Traumatised women are left in bits while their attacker runs free, and all because they dared to wear a nice dress.
Besides, by insinuating that women only get unwanted attention because of the way they dress, this article is at best misleading and at worst just a blatant lie. A beautiful woman is a beautiful woman, and if a guy has a flirtatious nature and a wandering eye then chances are he's going to notice her whether she's wearing a bin bag or a bikini. (Of course, it's still her own fault though. She probably looked at the guy in the wrong way, or was too friendly when she said hello.)
Of course, I know that there are some women who dress exclusively to please men. I'm not stupid. I know that if you go out wearing nothing but lingerie and start grinding with strangers then you are probably not all for female empowerment. However, even if you are 'asking for' a bit of attention, I highly doubt that any woman is asking to be sexually assaulted and 'Christians' would do well to remember that.
* Even in the biblical sense. Of course the bible says that women should keeps their husbands happy but it also says that husbands should do exactly the same for their wives and this is a fact that the church (and bigoted Christians) conveniently ignores.
