Obviously, being 'friend zoned' can't be a pleasant experience, especially if the recipient is a nice guy that simply isn't well-versed in the art of flirtation and so prefers to take a more indirect approach by treating his female friends as just that, friends, when in actual fact he wants more, but I have to say (and I won't be winning any male supporters in saying this) if you are friend zoned, it is your fault, and I think that most girls will agree with me on this.
I'll make it simple. Girls favour a direct approach. I personally believe that the world would be a much less complicated place (and more people would get lucky in love) if they were honest about their feelings. If a guy is explicitly telling me he likes me, flirting with me, or asks me to go on a date with him, then I have the option of giving him two answers:
a) If I like the guy, I'll say yes and we'll see how we get along, both assured that we find the other attractive and so we don't need to worry 'does he/she likes me?' because it has already been established, or:
b) If I'm not attracted to him, I'll say no. Sure, rejection may be tough for the male pride to deal with at first but it's honest, it gives them a direct answer and leaves them free to ask somebody else out on a date. The man doesn't have to tolerate my platonic company for months before being rejected. He gets it out of the way as soon as his feelings become obvious to him, and it avoids awkward or messy ends.
I'm pretty direct myself. If I don't get the impression that somebody is attracted to me, I'll leave it alone, but if I do, my feelings will be pretty obvious. I don't see a point in beating around some metaphorical bush. It isn't embarrassing to be attracted to somebody, it's flattering if anything, and if they don't feel the same way about you then at least you'll have boosted their confidence and made them feel good about themselves. Really, what is the worst that can happen by being direct?
So why then, will men not learn?
It's common knowledge that men are commonly seduced by their eyes, meaning that if their leggy blonde friend turns around after two years of platonic friendship and expresses a desire for more, men will probably not understand the concept of 'but she's my friend, it would be weird' because they are visual creatures, and as long as they find their friend physically appealing, the fact that they are friends is not an issue. I know that not every single man in the entire world thinks this way but I'm applying a general rule that seems to fit the majority in order to illustrate my point, and hopefully give this kind of man a female perspective on it.
However, girls are more auditory creatures, meaning we are seduced by our ears. I am more likely to fall for somebody if they are flirtatious, funny and a bit cheeky than if they are an Adonis Greek god. For example, I could be friends with a male model for years and not want anything more BECAUSE WE ARE FRIENDS, and then somebody less physically attractive could come along and flirt with me and I'd be more likely to see him as a potential mate because he's making his intentions clear and 'seducing' me via the words he uses, rather than relying on a pretty face or years of friendship getting him some sort of creepy Brownie points.
Now, a little misunderstanding is fine. If guys insist on carrying on with the whole 'I'll be friends with her and secretly hope for more' approach which will inevitably lead to disappointment, as long as they're only hurting themselves, who am I to complain? However, often the guys aren't the only ones that get hurt in situations like this, but with their egocentric way of looking at the world, they don't see this and will more than likely see the girl in question as someone who 'led me on' before 'going for the wrong guy when I can make her happier'.
First off, quit with the 'she led me on' bullshit. I love my guy friends to bits. I make time to see them often and we always have a laugh together. If one of them were to turn around and say that my behaviour towards them qualified as 'leading them on' then I'd tell them to get their head out of their arse because if somebody is my FRIEND then of course I am nice to them and will give them more special treatment than a stranger on the street. 'Leading you on' would be telling you I liked you and telling you we have a future together, before getting with somebody else out of the blue, and as far as I am aware, girls aren't in the habit of doing that for kicks.
As for 'going for the wrong kind of guys', who are you to say that you could make her happier than the people she's actually attracted to? How arrogant are you to presume that the guys she actually likes are the 'wrong' kind? I'd much rather have a guy who was upfront about his intentions to sleep with me than somebody that pretended to be my friend and really care about me for months when in actual fact he runs home after seeing me to masturbate onto pictures of us together. I know which one I consider to be the more immoral of the two.
Many a time in the past, I've made friends with a guy, and been happy about it (because what's not to like about having a new friend?), and we've got along like a house on fire, talking about the people we like, getting drunk together, hanging about in the same circles, before the guy has told me he has feelings for me, I've responded that because we've been friends for months that's the way I now see him, and he's disappeared off the face of the earth. Am I to assume that our whole friendship was a fraud, a ploy to get me to fall in love with him and when that failed, he saw no reason to continue the friendship? I find that disgusting. It's false advertising, effectively 'leading somebody on' in the sense that you're pretending to be somebody's best friend when in actual fact your plan is to run a mile if that's all the girl wants to be.
Personally I think that boys need to grow up. Get some balls and tell a girl that you like that you like her. Don't pretend to be her friend for months before confessing your feelings because then you will have missed the boat and will only have yourself to blame. And don't, under any circumstance, try and manipulate your way out of the zone by subtly changing your behaviour towards the girl in question in some sort of weird ploy to trick her into feeling differently.
Liam quoted a site that advised people to be more touchy feely and play 'hard to get' by not seeing your friend as much, the ultimate goal of this being that absence will make their heart grow fonder and you will come back to your female friend lying naked on a bed covered in strawberries and cream. I cannot stress enough how important it is that you don't do this. If I found out that somebody I'd been close friends with for years was actually playing these sort of manipulative mind games with me (because that's what they are) then I'd be livid.
The trick to getting the girl is simple. As soon as you meet her, make your intentions clear. The worst that can happen is that your pride is wounded slightly if she doesn't find you attractive. Two examples of this being successful come from two of my best guy friends. I won't name them in case they think I'm ruining their chances with the ladies here but I know for a fact that in the past, both of the guys had lacked confidence around the opposite sex and as a result had had to suffer the 'friend zone' time and time again. However, on coming to university, you wouldn't think that at all. In clubs they approach all the girls they find attractive, because as one of them said 'the more you approach, the more chance someone's going to like you. If you don't approach them you're guaranteed not to get any girls', and it works! These guys see a girl they like and flirt with them, leaving no mystery as to their intentions. What they don't do is pretend to be honourable gentlemen whose only desire is to watch Twilight with girls and listen to them talk about other boys.
Don't, boys, under any circumstances pretend to be her friend, listening to her problems and showing a genuine interest in her feelings if you have an ulterior motive. It's shady, creepy and downright disrespectful. And guys, do us girls a favour and don't label us as cold hearted sluts if we aren't attracted to you. It's really not our fault if you fail to impress so stop shifting blame.
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