Dearest
Sarah,
Your
18th birthday should be a time of happiness. A time where
you have successfully grown through childhood and adolescence and
are ready for womanhood. Eighteen is an age where you are fit to
produce your own child, and you have a good man in Thomas. I know
that once married, he will care for you in replacement of I, who must
now stop and accept that you are no longer my little girl and
responsibility.
I
am not scared of letting you go and venture into the world without me
by your side, as I know that you are a sensible and responsible young
woman, and the time is right for me to hand you over to Thomas' care
and trust that you will find your place in the world. However, in
letting you go, I must also reveal to you the truth about your
family. You are old enough now to handle the information sensibly,
and as an adult, you have the right to know.
It
is imperative that you keep this information a secret, even from
Thomas. For your own safety, you must burn this letter after you have
read it. What I am about to tell you, though it may not seem it, is a
matter of life and death, and if this information gets into the wrong
hands than my efforts as a mother have all been in vain and I will
have failed us both.
I
will begin.
We
have not always lived here in Gaul. I say we but I mean I, I have not
always lived here. I moved here when I was pregnant with you, for
reasons that I am about to disclose. You have always asked me about
your father. I am so terribly sorry that growing up fatherless has
had such an effect on you, and I understand that it has been very
hard for you to deal with the rumours about me and what kind of woman
I must be. For so long, I have not been able to tell you, but now I
can reveal to you that your father and I were married and that I am
now widowed. He died when I was pregnant with you, at the age of 33.
How I wish he died of illness but, alas, he was put to death for a
crime he did not commit. So many sinners live in this world, my love,
but your father was not one of them. I will even go so far as to say
that he was completely without sin. He was the most forgiving man I
have ever met, and even his last words did not contradict this. As he
took his final breath, faced with jeering crowds who mocked and
insulted him, he uttered a prayer to God, asking God to forgive these
men, saying that their ignorance was not their fault.
Sadly,
this is not the full story. As devastating as your father's untimely
end was, I couldn't stay in our home and raise you around his family.
You would have loved his mother. She was by my side throughout the
whole ordeal and she was heartbroken when I had to leave with you but
she understood why I had to. You see my darling, your father was
quite a controversial man. He came into this world to put things
right. He saw crimes and atrocities being committed and he made it
his life's mission to make the world a more compassionate and
forgiving place. Everybody that met him saw the good in him, and as a
result of this he gained quite a following. People literally
worshipped him. However, as with all political rebels, the
authorities didn't like him one bit. They saw him as a cult leader,
somebody with delusions of grandeur who was successfully disrupting
the order of things.
You'd
think that killing the poor man would be enough for these people, but
before your father was killed, he'd asked me to carry on his
teachings. Well, you can imagine the stir that that caused. Not only
were the authorities in cahoots but even his best friends became
jealous and bitter. Understandably: he'd chosen a woman over them!
One of them, Peter, was quite the sexist, and hated the thought of
playing second fiddle to his friend's wife. He quite obviously
thought that I should stay in the kitchen and leave the real work to
him and his friends.
Until
then, I could never have imagined the lengths that men will go to for
personal gain. A smear campaign was born, and it wasn't long before
everybody in my town believed the lies. In societies' eyes, I was
nothing more than a common whore.
Why?
Surely the fact that I was a mere woman was enough for them to be
able to take over my husband's teachings? Sadly not. You see, your
father was from a very powerful family, as am I. You'll have heard of
it. The House of Benjamin. As a result of this, any child that your
father and I were to produce would have a legitimate claim to the
throne, and could therefore overrule your father's bigoted and
power-hungry friends. The smear campaign was necessary to blacken my
name and take away my voice. After all, who would ever listen to a
prostitute?
Although
the campaign was successful and his friends were able to create their
own church in the name of my husband, I couldn't risk staying in that
town in case my true identity was discovered. I'd watched my husband
be tortured for threatening the church authorities and I simply could
not risk them doing the same to you. Because, my God, you would have
threatened them. The thought of your father having a child terrifies
everybody, and so, for your own safety, I have had to deny you your
birthright and allow these evil men to rise to power. Words cannot
describe how sorry I am for the way that your life has turned out.
You deserve so much more than I can possibly give you here in Gaul,
and none of that is your fault. Thoughts of what could have been
haunt me every single day, and all I can do is trust that God will
look after us both. You may laugh at me for placing trust in God
after such a cruel miscarriage of justice but believe me darling, I
know that he is there.
I
know that without doubt, my love, because your father's name was
Jesus.
I
love you so much,
Mother.
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